I once read something to the following effect: The most impactful books are not the ones that tell us what we don’t know, but the ones that articulate that which we do know but didn’t know that we did.
A friend was sharing with me yesterday a concept from her pastor’s sermon. He said that hope crushed damages our connection to God, not our relationship or faith, but connection. I find that subtle distinction stunningly profound–and true experientially. Years of unfulfilled prayer, that is according to the published will of God so not in question, and situational results that are disappointing despite our best and most biblically-based efforts can lead to a feeling of disconnect. Anyone else identify?
There can be many layers to this: intense feelings of failure (coulda’, shoulda’, woulda’, if only I had . . .), guilt, frustration, dissatisfaction. As we talked, it occurred to me that underlying those feelings is pride. Oh that again. We set impossible standards for ourselves sometimes, especially in human relationships–as if it all depends on us. It doesn’t; we are not in full control. And even if we were, do I think I always know what is best, what is right?
So we come back to the original sin, wanting to be as God. Oops. It’s more subtle for us, of course, we seek to control through rationalizing it’s our “responsibility.” But in the end, are we not wanting to play God, to have others act in ways we know are right and good for them? I’m not saying we have no responsibility in relationship to others, merely that it doesn’t all depend on us–that our child, spouse, employee, friend isn’t living and thriving as we think they should, can.
So maybe it’s time to swallow my pride, again, and realize, again, that God loves my loved ones more than I do. My friend experienced great grace from God shortly after that sermon: the Holy Spirit simply covered her with it. There is grace enough, no matter how inadequate we feel our “job success” has been. There is grace enough. Grace enough for hopes crushed, grace enough for failed expectations, grace enough to repair damaged connections.
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